Latifalardan oling!  ( 226759 marta o'qilgan) Chop etish

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Ziyo  06 Iyul 2006, 06:20:29

Yoqib qoldi...

Nasriddin tabibning huzuriga kelib, tomirini ko'rib qo'yishini iltimos qildi-da, qo'shib qo'ydi:
- Keyin qanday kasalim borligini ayting.
- Siz bor-yo'g'i ochsiz, dedi tabib, hozir tushki ovqat payti, mening mehmonim bo'ling.
Ular birgalikda ovqatlanib bo'lishgach, Nasriddin uyiga keta turib, tabibga dedi:
- Sizning qo'lingiz judayam yengil ekan, meni bir pasda tuzatib qo'ydingiz. Uyimda yana bir necha kishi xuddi shunday kasallik bilan og'rigan. Ularni ham sizning oldingizga yuboraman.

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Ziyo  06 Iyul 2006, 06:20:40

Jinnixonada:
Vrach jinnilarni tekshirish uchun chaqirishibdi.
Stullar bo‘yalgan joyga o‘tirgan jinnilarning bittasi
Stul ustiga gazeta qo‘yib o‘tirdi
Vrach xayron bo‘lib uni uyiga javob bermoqchi bo‘libdi, va undan so‘rabdi
— Nima uchun stul ustiga gazeta qo‘yib o‘tirayapsiz?
— Bo‘yim hammanikidan uzunroq bo‘lsin deb

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Ziyo  06 Iyul 2006, 06:20:49

Pivoxonada:
— Ofitsiant! Mening stakanimda pashsha suzib yuribdi.
— Buncha shovqin solmasangiz! Shu kichkina pashsha qancha pivo ichadi?

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Ziyo  06 Iyul 2006, 06:21:07

Yoshgina ayol yig‘lab onasining oldiga keldi:
— Nima bo‘ldi? - dedi onasi.
— Erim urdi.
— Axir u Amerikaga ketgan ediku, - debdi onasi xayron bo‘lib xayron bo‘lib.
— Men ham shunday deb o‘ylagan edim.

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Ziyo  06 Iyul 2006, 06:21:15

Sudya xotini bilan ajrashayotgan quyondan so radi:
- Nega ajrashyapsiz?
- U g'ilay.
- G'ilayligini uylanayotganingizda payqamaganmidingiz?
- Men unda ko z suzayapti shekilli deb o ylagandim.

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Ziyo  06 Iyul 2006, 06:21:28

- Afsuski, siz yangi p'esamning taqdimotida bo'lmadingiz... Kassaning oldida shunaqangi ur-yiqit bo'ldi-ki, asti qo'yaverasiz...
- Nahotki? Odamlar pulini qaytarib olishga muvaffaq bo'lishdimi?

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Ziyo  06 Iyul 2006, 06:21:37

Scene: The Oval Office
Players: George W. Bush, President of the US
Condoleezza Rice, National Security Adviser

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

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Ziyo  06 Iyul 2006, 06:21:48

Kitob magaziniga kirgan kishi sotuvchi ayoldan so'radi:
- «Erkaklar ayollarni e'zozlashi kerak» degan kitob bormi?
- Fantastika bo'limi qo'shni xonada.

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Ziyo  06 Iyul 2006, 06:21:58

Keling, shu yerda o'tiramiz, - dedi qiz.
- Yo'q, skameykada o'tiramiz, - dedi yigit. — U yer qum. Men sarg'ish qumni yaxshi ko'raman.
Ular kichkina o'rindinqqa yonma-yon o'tirishdi. Yigit tayoqcha bilan sarg'ish qumga nimadir chiza boshladi.
- Nima chizayapsan?
- Bu sen.
- Yo'q, o'xshamayapti.
- Mayli, o'xshamasin.
Unga chizish qiyin bo'ldi. Negaki, qum quruq edi. Issiq shamol ham esardi.
- Ke, ertaga yana shu yerga kelamiz, - dedi qiz.
- Sen bu yerga rostdan kelasan-a? Aniqmi?
- Aniq.
U ertasiga kelmadi, indiniga ham. Ikki kundan, bir oydan keyin ham kelmadi. Umuman kelmadi.
Qiz esa bu yerga tez-tez kelib, o'sha skameykada yolg'iz o'tirardi.
U o'ylab o'yiga yeta olmasdi: «Yigit nima uchun kelmadi?..» Negaki, qiz yigitni ota-onasi boshqa maktabga berib yuborganligini bilmas edi.

;D

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Ziyo  06 Iyul 2006, 06:22:07

Kaltak yegan bolaga tasalli beribdilar:
- Xafa bo'lma bolakay, tayoq jannatdan chiqqan, yaxshi narsa!
- Xecham-da, - debdi bola yig'idan to'xtamay, - yaxshi bo'lsa jannatdan chiqmasdi

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Bu yerda, qishloqda, - dedi xola shaharlik jiyaniga, - yertalab odamlarni xo'roz uyg'otadi.
- Judayam yaxshi, iltimos, xola, uni sakkiz yarimga to'g'rilab qo'ying.

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Ikki bolakay suxbati:
- Kel, zoopark-zoopark o'ynaymiz.
- Mayli, faqat qanday qilib o'ynaymiz?
- Bundan osoni yo'q. Men maymun bo'laman, sen uyingdan menga apelsin olib kelasan.

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