Yoqib qoldi...

Nasriddin tabibning huzuriga kelib, tomirini ko'rib qo'yishini iltimos qildi-da, qo'shib qo'ydi:
- Keyin qanday kasalim borligini ayting.
- Siz bor-yo'g'i ochsiz, dedi tabib, hozir tushki ovqat payti, mening mehmonim bo'ling.
Ular birgalikda ovqatlanib bo'lishgach, Nasriddin uyiga keta turib, tabibga dedi:
- Sizning qo'lingiz judayam yengil ekan, meni bir pasda tuzatib qo'ydingiz. Uyimda yana bir necha kishi xuddi shunday kasallik bilan og'rigan. Ularni ham sizning oldingizga yuboraman.

Jinnixonada:
Vrach jinnilarni tekshirish uchun chaqirishibdi.
Stullar bo‘yalgan joyga o‘tirgan jinnilarning bittasi
Stul ustiga gazeta qo‘yib o‘tirdi
Vrach xayron bo‘lib uni uyiga javob bermoqchi bo‘libdi, va undan so‘rabdi
— Nima uchun stul ustiga gazeta qo‘yib o‘tirayapsiz?
— Bo‘yim hammanikidan uzunroq bo‘lsin deb

Pivoxonada:
— Ofitsiant! Mening stakanimda pashsha suzib yuribdi.
— Buncha shovqin solmasangiz! Shu kichkina pashsha qancha pivo ichadi?

Yoshgina ayol yig‘lab onasining oldiga keldi:
— Nima bo‘ldi? - dedi onasi.
— Erim urdi.
— Axir u Amerikaga ketgan ediku, - debdi onasi xayron bo‘lib xayron bo‘lib.
— Men ham shunday deb o‘ylagan edim.

Sudya xotini bilan ajrashayotgan quyondan so radi:
- Nega ajrashyapsiz?
- U g'ilay.
- G'ilayligini uylanayotganingizda payqamaganmidingiz?
- Men unda ko z suzayapti shekilli deb o ylagandim.

- Afsuski, siz yangi p'esamning taqdimotida bo'lmadingiz... Kassaning oldida shunaqangi ur-yiqit bo'ldi-ki, asti qo'yaverasiz...
- Nahotki? Odamlar pulini qaytarib olishga muvaffaq bo'lishdimi?

Scene: The Oval Office
Players: George W. Bush, President of the US
Condoleezza Rice, National Security Adviser

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

Kitob magaziniga kirgan kishi sotuvchi ayoldan so'radi:
- «Erkaklar ayollarni e'zozlashi kerak» degan kitob bormi?
- Fantastika bo'limi qo'shni xonada.

Keling, shu yerda o'tiramiz, - dedi qiz.
- Yo'q, skameykada o'tiramiz, - dedi yigit. — U yer qum. Men sarg'ish qumni yaxshi ko'raman.
Ular kichkina o'rindinqqa yonma-yon o'tirishdi. Yigit tayoqcha bilan sarg'ish qumga nimadir chiza boshladi.
- Nima chizayapsan?
- Bu sen.
- Yo'q, o'xshamayapti.
- Mayli, o'xshamasin.
Unga chizish qiyin bo'ldi. Negaki, qum quruq edi. Issiq shamol ham esardi.
- Ke, ertaga yana shu yerga kelamiz, - dedi qiz.
- Sen bu yerga rostdan kelasan-a? Aniqmi?
- Aniq.
U ertasiga kelmadi, indiniga ham. Ikki kundan, bir oydan keyin ham kelmadi. Umuman kelmadi.
Qiz esa bu yerga tez-tez kelib, o'sha skameykada yolg'iz o'tirardi.
U o'ylab o'yiga yeta olmasdi: «Yigit nima uchun kelmadi?..» Negaki, qiz yigitni ota-onasi boshqa maktabga berib yuborganligini bilmas edi.

Kaltak yegan bolaga tasalli beribdilar:
- Xafa bo'lma bolakay, tayoq jannatdan chiqqan, yaxshi narsa!
- Xecham-da, - debdi bola yig'idan to'xtamay, - yaxshi bo'lsa jannatdan chiqmasdi

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Bu yerda, qishloqda, - dedi xola shaharlik jiyaniga, - yertalab odamlarni xo'roz uyg'otadi.
- Judayam yaxshi, iltimos, xola, uni sakkiz yarimga to'g'rilab qo'ying.

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Ikki bolakay suxbati:
- Kel, zoopark-zoopark o'ynaymiz.
- Mayli, faqat qanday qilib o'ynaymiz?
- Bundan osoni yo'q. Men maymun bo'laman, sen uyingdan menga apelsin olib kelasan.